It's hard to explain but I really believe in my intuition. When I think this isn't for me, it really isn't. 

Things aren't as easy as it seems right now..

I missed my chance of going to SOTA because my family discouraged me.

I regretted. 

They told me I was young. They said I wasn't ready to fix a path for myself.

Even though I knew better and knew that they were wrong, I stupidly obeyed.

I don't want to regret again or let another chance slip by me..

When your dream hasn't changed since you were 10, you know deep down that you are dead right. 

I really don't know what to do now.

All these years in RV made me neglect art and it's hard to pick it up all over again..

I could paint, imitate famous artists' painting and do a variety of craft previously. 

But now, the only thing I can do is draw and maybe help make birthday gifts for my friends.

These aren't going to help in my portfolio and I can't get into an art school based on my drawings 10 years ago.

I'm lost. I'm not ready.

But that's what I really want.

Should I stay and complete A levels for security?

Or should I chase dreams recklessly?

Besides this dilemma, I think I have reached a point where I can't bear to leave RV.

I can't imagine leaving all my dear friends behind... 

I can't imagine not going for band practices and having fun with my juniors.

Band was my escape, it was my heaven after school.

How can I leave it behind? 

Plus I heard that Ms Chan is going to close down Alumni band...

What about the small dream of performing in the Esplanade? 

Everything is just not going the right way.

I really don't know what to do now..

I'm thinking of building up my portfolio during these 2 years and then take As and run away to La Salle  but... what about my grades for A levels? Am I really capable of getting in La Salle?

It's all these insecurities that stop me..

People around me go "Wow! You draw so well!" but honestly, I don't feel that way.

I saw this somewhere,"Just because your friends, family or neighbours say that you are good at art, doesn't necessarily mean that you are good. A true artist must be able to garner real reactions and most importantly, get people to stop, look and want to own his paintings." 

After reading this, am I truly, good at art? Probably not. 

Worst part is, I calculated my L1R5.

It is 16.

SIXTEEN. 

I can't even get into the animation course in poly, what makes me think that I will get through JC and pass A levels with flying colours? If I don't do well for As, then what's the point of me staying on in RV? 

They always say "follow your heart".

But it's not that easy when you have so many things holding you down.

I'm lost, really lost. 

It's hard to explain but I really believe in my intuition. When I think this isn't for me, it really isn't. 

Things aren't as easy as it seems right now..

I missed my chance of going to SOTA because my family discouraged me.

I regretted. 

They told me I was young. They said I wasn't ready to fix a path for myself.

Even though I knew better and knew that they were wrong, I stupidly obeyed.

I don't want to regret again or let another chance slip by me..

When your dream hasn't changed since you were 10, you know deep down that you are dead right. 

I really don't know what to do now.

All these years in RV made me neglect art and it's hard to pick it up all over again..

I could paint, imitate famous artists' painting and do a variety of craft previously. 

But now, the only thing I can do is draw and maybe help make birthday gifts for my friends.

These aren't going to help in my portfolio and I can't get into an art school based on my drawings 10 years ago.

I'm lost. I'm not ready.

But that's what I really want.

Should I stay and complete A levels for security?

Or should I chase dreams recklessly?

Besides this dilemma, I think I have reached a point where I can't bear to leave RV.

I can't imagine leaving all my dear friends behind... 

I can't imagine not going for band practices and having fun with my juniors.

Band was my escape, it was my heaven after school.

How can I leave it behind? 

Plus I heard that Ms Chan is going to close down Alumni band...

What about the small dream of performing in the Esplanade? 

Everything is just not going the right way.

I really don't know what to do now..

I'm thinking of building up my portfolio during these 2 years and then take As and run away to La Salle  but... what about my grades for A levels? Am I really capable of getting in La Salle?

It's all these insecurities that stop me..

People around me go "Wow! You draw so well!" but honestly, I don't feel that way.

I saw this somewhere,"Just because your friends, family or neighbours say that you are good at art, doesn't necessarily mean that you are good. A true artist must be able to garner real reactions and most importantly, get people to stop, look and want to own his paintings." 

After reading this, am I truly, good at art? Probably not. 

Worst part is, I calculated my L1R5.

It is 16.

SIXTEEN. 

I can't even get into the animation course in poly, what makes me think that I will get through JC and pass A levels with flying colours? If I don't do well for As, then what's the point of me staying on in RV? 

They always say "follow your heart".

But it's not that easy when you have so many things holding you down.

I'm lost, really lost.